I awoke this morning with an urge
It was an urge that began two weeks ago, and I suppressed it and it left almost immediately. But it never left. It hid below the surface of my day to day life and activities, bubbling, gurgling, and on occasion it raised its head ever so slightly just to let me know it was there, lurking in the dark recesses of my mind. On and on this urge would appear from time to time over the days of the last week, and today was its most pronounced. I awoke at 8:08 am, and again, the first thought again was that urge. That urge just keeps coming, and like a runner, I am forced to try to force it down, or just put my fingers down my throat and throw up and get it over with. A good illustration, except it is a metaphor for resisting what appears at times that irrepressible urge to “go to church.” Resist I say. Resist. Nothing good comes out of giving in to this urge. Nothing good at all.
Seizing the moment to get cream for my coffee
I went and got cream for coffee. Lori-Anne was in the basement, doing meditation and her workout. She needed the cream to enjoy her coffee. She also needed me to get some foam insulation spray to winterize a part of our house. I went to Canadian Tire and got the foam insulation and then went to Walmart to get a few groceries and cream for Lori-Anne.
Insulating my house, insulating my heart
I came home and put in the insulation and Lori-Anne used the spray on the inside of the house in the basement. Between the two of us we got it done. I then took Morgan for a walk around the neighbourhood. I came home and got the chilli on the stove. I made a separate batch for Lori-Anne without the beans. So I browned the hamburger meat, added onion, and peppers, and diced tomatoes and water and tomato paste and spices. I separated a batch for Lori-Anne and cooked that on another burner while the main batch was cooked with the beans.
Throughout this whole time I resisted
Many times throughout the morning I resisted. I resisted as I drove to the mall, and walked around Canadian Tire. I resisted as I walked around Walmart. I resisted as I came into the house and put away the groceries. I resisted as I applied the foam insulation. I resisted as I walked Morgan around the neighbourhood. I resisted by focussing on staying in the moment and not being distracted from the moment. I more than seized the day, I seized each moment for what it was. It was a moment where I could just be me, in that moment, and focus on enjoying that moment as fully as I could. I was able to do that as I accomplished each task that I need to do today. I could and I did resist and I was able to breathe and enjoy the day.
So much of what we do, affects every facet of our lives
Focus allows us to get done things that require our attention to detail and precision in resolving the challenge. It is one thing to do with tasks like getting groceries, walking the dog, a minor repair or maintenance issue. It is another to fight and resist the urge to cave in to do a thing that you know down deep you really don’t want, and you really do not find beneficial to your emotional well being. You know the things that nag at you and try to get you to engage, and these things only lead to disappointment and regret. You have tried repeatedly to be a part of something that ultimately does not work for you and is the furthest thing from fulfilling emotionally and spiritually. In fact it usually leads to not only disappointment, but more frustration and anger that you actually tried again to fit in, knowing full well it would not last. So you resist the thought.
You resist the urge that pulls at you
You resist all the arguments that have been used to manipulate and coerce you to go and participate in something that people think is necessary for a relationship with God. You resist knowing full well you don’t have to engage in this pursuit to know God and enjoy God. You resist knowing full well that God loves you and is with you, whether or not you decide to follow that urge. You resist knowing that the urge will either pass, because there is a time frame that this urge is boxed in to be experienced. You can resist and out-wait the urge. I did resist, and the time passed, and the urge passed. I resisted successfully.
Today I insulated my basement wall, and I insulated my heart, and the urges that can derail it from its sense of well being. You might be wondering what exactly was I resisting. Pretty simple. I was resisting the urge to go to a church service. I resisted and I was successful.
Peace and grace.
~ Samuel M. Buick