NOT A REGULAR MORNING
It was quite a day yesterday morning. I got up at 6 am and Lori came down at 7:30. I had to be at work for 10, so that gave us some time together. We really have no set pattern as to our time with God together. There is usually a little singing, sometimes along with my iTunes on the MacBook Pro, or watching a worshipvideo on YouTube, some Bible Reading. We usually pick a book and go through chapter by chapter and ask the Lord to lead us into anything else He would like us to read and meditate upon and discuss. We usually ask the Lord to speak to us through this whole process. We take communion regularly as well. We wait, we pray and sometimes the whole order is totally different. We start by usually asking the Lord what He would have us do.
So here we were, and Lori began praying and I pressed in but did not say much (not always the case, I can tell you!). Lori kept praying, and I wanted to sing and read Scripture. Lori kept pressing in. So I did as well. Then it happened.
PERSEVERANCE IN PRAYER AND WAITING
Swoosh! I was in the Spirit, and in the presence of the Lord. I had a vision. Jesus, in glorious radiance was before me. I was twelve years old, and Lori was beside me and she was 8 years old. You have to know, I never met Lori until I was 24. So seeing us as pre-teens was kind of unusual to begin with.
JESUS IN MY FACE
Here I was in front of Jesus, and He looked right at me, eyes blazing with piercing love. I wanted to look away, much like infants love to look at their parents, and they giggle and laugh and smile, and when it gets really intense they pull away, only to look back because they cannot get enough of the love and affirmation from the gaze of the parent. It felt like that. I was cut to the quick and lowered my eyes.
SAM AND LORI SAT ON A WALL
He came up to me, and picked me up, and He sat me down on this red brick wall with a grey concrete top along the length of the wall. It reminded me of the brick walls around some of the neighbourhoods in Belfast, a connection to my childhood. He sat me down there, just like Humpty Dumpty who sat on the wall. Then Jesus picked up this beautiful young girl with wavy brownish hair, who could not stop smiling and giggling. That was Lori-Anne, when she was just eight years old. She was more beautiful than the childhood pictures I had seen. Jesus leaned over and picked up Lori and cradled her in His left arm, and pinched her left cheek with His right finger and thumb. Lori giggled all the more and hugged Him. Then He placed Lori right beside me, to my right. He took a step back, smiled and waved at us and blew kisses. Then Jesus came forward toward me.
THE GAZE OF LOVE
Jesus took my face in both of His hands, and softly and tenderly raised up my face to look right into my eyes. He said, “Look at me Sam. Look right into my eyes, Sam. Keep looking. I want you to know just how much I love you.” Right there, I wanted to pull away but I could not. Jesus started to kiss me. He kissed my forehead. He kissed my left cheek. He kissed my right cheek. He kissed both of my ears. He kissed the top of my head, all the while embracing me, and softly telling me He loved me.
FROM SWEET NOTHINGS TO SWEET EVERYTHINGS
As if He could hear my thoughts, He said to me in a reassuring way, as He kissed My cheek again, “Sam, these are what I call “sweet everythings”, an expression of My deepest love for you. He kept embracing me, and telling me how much He loved me.
LIQUID LAVA LIKE LOVE
I felt this liquid lava like warmth flood my soul. I began to weep as I absorbed what Jesus was saying and pouring into my heart. He looked into my eyes, and kissed me again, and just then I felt great warmth in my heart. Again like He knew what I was thinking, He revealed to me my heart. It was pumping and beating, and I saw these grey and black blemishes on my heart, and some wounds that had rough sutures in various places. Slowly each of them brightened up in and bright red orange gold colour, where Jesus’ love seared and healed up my wounded heart. As I saw this, He kissed me again and told me, “I am healing your heart of the wounding that began when you were young.” He looked into my eyes again, and said, “Don’t be afraid to look into the eyes.” That explained why I was twelve years old. I felt a loss of affection and affirmation from my own father that began when I was twelve and continued into adult life. From that time forward I always found it difficult to keep eye contact with people, especially people of authority. I was overcome. I wept and I felt wonderfully loved inside. I felt truly different. I felt whole.
MAKING A LITTLE GIRL WHOLE
Then Jesus took Lori’s face into His hands and began to caress her hair, and then whispered into her ear. She giggled all over again. He took her hands and kissed each of them with great tenderness and affection, all the while Lori smiled, giggled and swung her legs and feet back and forth. Jesus hugged her some more, and Lori took it all in. Her countenance was all lit up with the love and affirmation of Jesus. She laughed out loud. She was holding my right hand two fingers tightly and giggling. She rotated back and forth into the bosom of Jesus and just laughed some more. It was a beautiful thing to see.
Jesus whispered more “sweet everythings” into Lori’s ear, and kissed the top of her head. He kissed her hands again. He kissed her cheeks. Lori was beaming. The glory of the Lord was all over her. The love of Jesus was so warm and full of life and love and joy. He told her that He had always loved her and that the love would grow. He told her that He was healing her heart too.
A MASSIVE HUG
He stepped in between us, and hugged us for a long time. He kept hugging. He kept saying, “I love you!” He said, “Keep receiving My love. I want to heal all your hurts and all your pain.” He hugged us some more. Then after what seemed a long time, He stepped back from us, ever so slowly. As He did, we began to change and become the people we are now, fully grown adults. He reached out to us and took our hands, and we somehow knew, we had to jump down from the wall. When we touched the ground, we had this sense that we were healed up and our wounded hearts were whole, and that now we could move forward in what the Lord had for us, without the wounds of the past holding us back.
MADE WHOLE AND COMMISSIONED
Then I heard Jesus say, “Now go, in My name, in My power, and do what I have called you to do.”
It was an incredible morning. My life was forever changed.